I have a wonderful group of neighbors – “a sister tribe.” We get together from time to time to celebrate birthdays and share our life stories.
Yesterday, we gathered.
But there’s one difference: I lost my husband over a year ago, and they still have theirs. Although some are facing health challenges, they’re still sharing life, laughing together, arguing together, visiting doctors together, walking together, traveling together, doing all the things couples do together.
Can anyone tell the emotional difference when I laugh with them? Nope
But when the gathering ended, they went home to their husbands. I returned to silence—loneliness, emptiness, sorrow, and tears.
Guilt overwhelmed me. I started blaming myself all over again. I couldn’t forgive myself.
“You were so stupid. You deserve the pain.” I scolded myself.
Did anyone ask how I was feeling at the gathering? Nope.
Did anyone understand how I feel when I’m alone at home? Nope.
I don’t want to talk about my late husband. I just can’t.
Grief is something you carry alone. You feel alone. You cry alone.
No one can carry it with you. No one can carry it for you.