A month ago, I wrote about grief. At that time, I felt I had said all there was to say. I hoped I wouldn’t have to talk about grief again and could focus on hope. Yet, here I am, unable to stop writing about grief once more.
- Time Moves On, No Matter the Loss and Pain
My husband has been gone for over nine months. At first, I didn’t know how I could possibly survive without him, but somehow, I’m still here, breathing. Every day, I still wake up, whether I want to or not. There are so many mornings when I refuse to get up, feeling lost in purpose. Eventually, I get out of bed.
Time has flown by in a blur, yet there are countless moments when it feels as if it’s standing still.
It may sound harsh, but the truth is that, no matter how deep our sorrow may be or how difficult it feels to carry on, God has designed time to follow its precise course, unaffected by our pain. What eternal wisdom from God! Although we bear our pain with us, in its unyielding flow, our lives continue to move forward with time, a force that only God has control over.
- The Void and Emptiness Won’t Fade Away
Yesterday, as I wandered down the familiar path of my neighborhood, a wave of overwhelming sadness suddenly washed over me. A heaviness pressed down on my heart, and all I could do was long to cry. It seemed to come from nowhere, yet it came from somewhere deep within. It had always been there, tucked away in a hidden corner of my soul, waiting for the right moment to break free.
On the surface, I appeared to cry less often and cope better with each passing day. To friends and kind neighbors, it almost seemed that life was gradually returning to normal.
It may sound strange or contradictory, but human emotions run much deeper and are more intricate than words can convey. I wasn’t pretending to smile or laugh while talking to a friend. At the same time, my heart felt void and heavy with sorrow—a pain that no fleeting smile or laughter could soothe. It was how I felt: raw and undeniable. How can we smile and feel sad at the same time? We do. That’s the paradox grief creates within our hearts.
“I miss you, my love. Where are you? Are you watching over me from heaven?” As I walked and prayed, I looked up at the sky, and tears streamed down my face.
“Lord, hear my cry,” I whispered, my voice trembling with desperate plea, as grief flooded my heart.
In moments like these, when sorrow consumes me, all I can do is cry. I’ve shed more tears in the past nine months than I have in my entire life. A piece of me is gone forever with my husband.
- When Your Mind and Heart Are Not in Sync
I understand that it’s acceptable to grieve and feel the loss, but the loneliness and sorrow often become so overwhelming that it’s difficult for those who aren’t grieving to truly comprehend.
When my husband was with me, I spent years with peace in my heart, allowing me to delve deeper into the Word of God and leading to greater spiritual understanding. I believed my discipline guided my studies of God’s words at that time. However, after my husband’s passing, I found myself unable to open the Bible. I realized it wasn’t my strength that enabled me to read those words diligently but rather the peace that my husband’s presence had provided. I deeply regret not appreciating him more while he was alive due to my arrogance.
Although I have discovered a new purpose in writing and sharing my stories and God’s words with others, touching many souls, my mind believes in the words I shared, yet my heart cannot feel the peace.
The mind and heart can be out of sync because the mind operates on logic, reason, and decisions, whereas the heart is influenced by emotions, desires, and deeper feelings. Even when the mind understands what needs to be done, the heart may still struggle with the emotions tied to the situation. This disconnect arises because emotions don’t always align with logic, and healing from grief takes time. It’s a natural part of being human: the mind knows, but the heart feels differently.
This dissonance can be confusing because the mind dictates what we should feel or how we should behave, yet the heart doesn’t always agree with those thoughts.
A Christian friend, deeply concerned about my mental and emotional well-being, frequently urges me to let go of the past and move forward with life. Yet, despite agreeing with this advice intellectually, I find it incredibly difficult to loosen the grip of grief that still lingers in my heart.
Finding a balance between the two is essential. Allowing your mind to guide you with wisdom and your heart to lead you authentically may offer a more holistic way to cope with grief.
- Seeking Peace and Strength in God’s Word
Psalm 55:22 (KJV)
“Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.
🙏 Lord, Your Word tells me to cast my burdens upon You. I can speak Your words in prayer, yet I still struggle to feel the weight of that burden lift from my soul.
🙏 I ask for the strength to carry on, comfort in my sorrow, and the true peace that only You can provide. Though I have yet to feel it from You, please guide me through this pain and help me find my way.
2 Kings 20:5 (KJV)
“I have heard thy prayer, I have seen thy tears: behold, I will heal thee…”
❤️ 🥲 Lord, Your Word assures me that You hear my prayers, You see my tears, and You will heal my pain.
👉 The only path to healing is by trusting the Lord with our hearts and minds, a trust that transcends our understanding, even when we may not feel it.
His faithfulness endures, and by surrendering to Him, we may discover the strength to move forward in life.