On the first anniversary of the saddest day of my life—the day my beloved husband left this world most unimaginably—I felt like my faith was slipping through my fingers.
🤔 Why didn’t God answer my prayers?
Why didn’t He heal the one I loved so deeply?
Why did He allow him to be taken from me?
There were thousands of prayers—some whispered, some shouted, some too broken to say aloud.
❤️ I believed.
❤️ I trusted.
❤️ I hoped.
❤️ I clung to every promise I could find.
And still… he was gone.
📌 My Faith Was Deep
I had spent years immersed in His Word.
I prayed daily—through joy and through tears.
Week after week, I led my online Bible study group, teaching and encouraging others.
I didn’t just believe—I lived it. Every day.
👉 So when the darkest moment of my life arrived, I truly believed God would come through.
I believed in healing.
I believed in miracles.
I believed that my devotion and prayers would move heaven.
But then came the silence.
Then came the goodbye.
✅ Still Standing, Still Reaching
I won’t sugarcoat it—something inside me broke.
✴️ My faith today isn’t naïve or untouched by grief.
It’s bruised, it’s tear-stained, but it’s still reaching.
Even now, the worship songs help hold me together.
But I can’t pray like I used to.
I can’t open the Bible.
I haven’t been able to teach again.
🙏 And yet… I didn’t walk away.
Where else can I go? Even in confusion, even in grief—I still turn my face toward God.
Not with certainty. Not with answers. But with the broken pieces of my heart.
📌 You’re Not Alone in This
If you’ve felt this pain—you are not alone.
And if you haven’t—I pray you never do.
But if that day ever comes, may you know this:
We are held. Even when our strength is gone.
✳️ A New Purpose
In my suffering, God gave me a new mission:
To write. To share. To be honest.
📌 From the heartbreak, a new chapter began.
I’m now writing a book series called “Story of Mei-Li”, drawn from my own journey through hunger, fear, survival, love, loss, and healing.
And I recently completed my first historical nonfiction novel:
“Beneath the Eastern Star.”
✨ Final Thought
God didn’t ask me to understand.
He asked me to keep walking.
To write.
To trust.
To keep breathing.
And maybe… to help someone else along the way.
“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.”
— Romans 8:28 (KJV)
This verse doesn’t erase the pain.
But it reminds me that God can bring beauty out of the ashes.
That’s what I’m still holding onto.